went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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