Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's blow job season.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
