I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
