I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
