dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
