ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
