That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
