My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
