just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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