she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
