You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
