Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
