She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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