Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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