I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
