Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
