I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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