um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
