i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
