Don't you send me to vm
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
