I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk is not a location!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
