My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
