Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
