Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My cat gives me a boner
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
