East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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