Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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