wanna go halves on a baby?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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