i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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