sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
