i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize