literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
