You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Non-Jews are for practice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
