I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
