My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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