No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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