We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Who died my cat blue again?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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