You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
