I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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