Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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