chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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