What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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