I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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