Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
