I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
