Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
