that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
