are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
