We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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