The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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