It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do vagina's smell?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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