what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my being single is dangerous.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
