I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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