I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
