I haven't been this sober since birth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Randomize
