Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
