Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
