I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
