ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
