I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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