imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
