You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i've created a new STD.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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