peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
