life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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