So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
