If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize