drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he thought i was a dude.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize