well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
