Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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