i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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