is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
