we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
