From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
