So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
