I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we made out on top of his cat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
