So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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