i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
