Do you still have your period?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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