theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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