I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
