it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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