Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize