All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
