I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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