Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sober January is a disaster.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
this hospital has no fireball
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
