Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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