Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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